This is Right
by L.A. Doyle
Summary: Sam's job has always taken her away from home, but never so far and with so much to lose.  As Sam and Jack reflect on this difficult decision, Sam's departure draws ever closer.  SGA S4, SJ established
1. What We Do

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Spoilers for SGA S4...and I don't think anything else major. S/J of course. This popped into my fron a little while back and I debated whether or not to post it for a while...I gave in. ;) Brooke, thanks for your help!

Ch. 1 What We Do

Only the faint glow of the alarm clock lit the darkened bedroom.

4:20.

Sam frowned. The last time she'd woken up it had been 3:05. Before that, 2:24. And she'd only gotten to sleep a little after one that morning.

Jack lay asleep next to her, rolled away on his side. Sam wrapped her arm around his waist and scooted closer, until her body was pressed to his back and her face rested right at the nape of his neck.

Sam let out a sigh. This was it. Her last night with Jack. Her last night at home. On Earth. In this _galaxy_. Later that day, she would step through the gate to Atlantis and a whole new life.

She cringed at the thought. It wasn't exactly a new life. Yes, it was a new job, a new home, but Sam wasn't leaving everything behind on Earth completely. Going to Atlantis was a two-way trip now. By gate or ship, she would see her loved ones again. But that didn't comfort her, not on this night.

Sam sighed again.

"Hey, that tickles, ya know," Jack's deep, sleep filled voice grumbled.

A smile flitted over Sam's lips. "Sorry," she whispered.

"S'okay," he replied. He didn't turn, but Sam could feel his fingers lace with hers. This small act brought tears to her eyes.

It shouldn't have been so complicated. She had been appointed one of the most incredible posts imaginable. To lead the Atlantis expedition, to take command of an Ancient city in a galaxy not her own. As career oriented as she was, Sam should have been jumping at the opportunity.

Ten years ago, she might have been. Though they would have never considered a captain for the post, Sam had had just the right type of personal life for an extended mission like this. Her relationship with her family hadn't been so great and she hardly ever saw them. She'd had no close friends. No 'roots'. Not like she did now.

Now she had so much more. So much more she almost thought she couldn't do this.

"I wonder sometimes…" Sam began softly, nuzzling closer to Jack, her lips grazing his skin. She didn't continue, but focused on the steady rhythm of her husband's breathing.

"Wonder what?" Jack's voice floated through the velvety darkness, prompting her.

"How they did it that first time…to Atlantis. How they all went, knowing they might never come back."

Jack shrugged lightly under Sam's touch. "Some of them had nothing to lose," he told her, recalling his suicide mission to Abydos. "Others wanted adventure. Some did leave a lot behind. But-"

"It's what we do," Sam finished for him. "I know." She rolled back onto her pillow and stared into the blackness. It was never what they wanted. There was always a stumbling block. First the regs and their positions. Then Washington. Now Atlantis.

Atlantis. That was a whole lot farther than D.C. _A whole lot._

"Hey."

Sam could feel Jack's eyes boring into her. She couldn't really see him, but that didn't matter. They didn't need light to communicate.

"Hey," Jack repeated, his fingers tangling in her hair. He loved her long hair. His restless fingers always found their way into the blonde locks. "You were excited." There was concern in his voice.

"I _am_. This is…this is an amazing job. Really. It's just the closer it gets, I'm wondering if I made the right decision," Sam confessed quietly.

"Getting cold feet?" he asked. His toes gently nudged her foot.

"Well…I still have work here," Sam replied. "The Ori are-"

"Gone."

"But-"

"Sam."

Jack's arms wrapped around her, pulling Sam into a warm embrace. "This isn't making it easier," she whispered, her voice cracking.

"All these doubts, we've talked about them. Before I ever put my final recommendation in. I may have not come up with the idea to send my wife to the Pegasus galaxy, but I know you want this post and I know you'll do an outstanding job," Jack reassured her.

"I learned from the best," she told him, a small grin tugging at her lips. His hand, which had been gliding up and down her spine in a soothing motion, stopped.

"Hey, _you're_ not making this any easier," he teased, though Sam could tell his heart wasn't really into it.

She rested her head against his chest. "This won't ever be easy, but this really is what we do. Our jobs, regardless of the personal sacrifices."

"Don't get me wrong," Jack returned. "I don't like the idea of you leaving any more than I liked going to Washington. But I knew exactly what I was doing when they approached me with this."

Sam nodded. She was certain it hadn't been easy for Jack to put a smile on his face and recommend sending her to Atlantis. His word carried a lot of weight and had the power to tip the balance either direction. But Jack also knew more than anyone how much her career meant to her. He would have never avidly promoted her going to Atlantis if that hadn't been what she truly wanted. Jack had seen her eyes light up when they had discussed Atlantis. He'd also seen her torn over the personal ramifications this posting could have on their relationship.

Could they really deal with a separation like this? They'd considered that travel between Atlantis was relatively easy; they _would_ be able to see each other. She and Jack had thought ahead, about the other options available to them down the road. Atlantis was in desperate need of a commander, and there was no one better for the job at the moment. However, Sam was adamant that this post would not be permanent. She would find a way to return and work Earthside after a sufficient stay in Atlantis. Maybe back at Area 51 or Homeworld Security. Jack had even joked that perhaps Landry would retire and she could swipe his job. So she had decided, with Jack's support, that she was needed in the Ancient city and that it was an opportunity not to be passed up.

It had been the same bittersweet feeling as when Jack had accepted the Washington position. It was a huge milestone in his career, but they had put themselves aside for the greater good, again.

Jack broke her reverie. "I can hear you thinking."

"Sorry…just so much is happening, so much is changing…" she told him.

"Yeah, but some things stay the same," he reminded Sam tenderly, kissing the top of her head.

Sam laughed softly, trying to hold back her tears. Some things _did_ stay the same.

Always.

TBC


	2. This is Right

Ch. 2 This is Right

It was dawn in Colorado Springs when Jack awoke. The room was growing lighter and the day was beginning. He wasn't sure he wanted it to. Jack looked at the clock, but his tired eyes couldn't make out the time. He knew instinctively, though, that it was almost time to get up. Almost time for Sam to go.

Sam.

Jack glanced around, searching for his wife. She'd finally fallen back asleep in his arms, but now his arms were cold and empty. He found her only a short distance away, fast asleep. One arm was flung over her head, while the other rested on her stomach. Her lips were parted slightly and her hair fell delicately around her face.

In that moment, Jack's heart ached more than it had in a long time. He was going to miss her so much. The selfish part of him wanted to keep her there, but he knew that wasn't right. Sam's career was taking off in ways almost undreamed of. He didn't want to be responsible for holding her back.

When word had first come down that Sam's name was in the running for Atlantis, Jack hadn't known how to feel. Proud that Sam had grown into such fine officer she was being considered, though queasy at the thought of sending his wife all the way to Pegasus. In the end, after a lot of deliberation with himself and with Sam, he'd put in his recommendation. That had been the easy part. Praising Sam had never been difficult. The hard part had been shoving his feelings aside. But…he was used to doing that.

Watching his wife sleep, that would be something he missed. It was already a too rare occasion. When she'd woken up earlier, he'd done all he could to reassure her. He'd hidden his own fears. He didn't doubt her abilities, not at all. Though her job hadn't been safe before, this one was just as dangerous, and in many different ways. Elizabeth Weir, if they should ever find her, could testify to that.

Gently, he nudged Sam's shoulder. In response, she rolled over, grumbling. Jack rubbed her back. "Hey, wake up. Sam…"

Sam yawned and stretched, turning to her back again. She glanced sleepily at her husband, her long lashes concealing her azure eyes.

A crooked smile crossed Jack's face as he noticed her shirt had ridden up, exposing the flat planes of Sam's stomach. He stared for a moment, before tugging the shirt down and his grin fading. There would be some things they'd probably not get the chance to do, he considered. Though they might never be able to have a family, the universe would be that much safer for others, because of Sam's devotion to her career.

"Rise and shine," he whispered. "You've got a big day."

* * *

Jack put the coffee on as Sam showered. He wasn't sure if Sam wanted breakfast, so he stuck his head into the bathroom.

"Hey."

Sam looked up, almost startled. "Hey," she greeted, her fingers working the rest of the buttons on her shirt.

"You want something to eat? I've got the coffee going," he said, jabbing his thumb toward the kitchen. Jack's eyes trailed over his wife. From her shoeless foot tapping restlessly as she studied herself in the mirror, to her long, slim legs, to the shirt hanging haphazardly over her skirt, to her newly brushed hair falling around her, the ends still damp. There was just something incredibly…sexy…about the whole scene.

"Jack?"

Jack met Sam's gaze and smiled sheepishly. She sent him a small grin in return.

"Coffee sounds great, but I think I'll skip breakfast. I don't really…have the stomach for it this morning," she admitted.

"Okay…just don't make this a regular thing, ya know," Jack said, a warning in his voice. Sam was much better these days about eating enough and getting a good night's sleep. However, he knew at times she still got so preoccupied with her work someone had to drag her out of her lab.

"You don't have to worry," she promised as she straightened her skirt and smoothed down her shirt. Her gaze settled on Jack. "Really," she assured, taking a few steps towards him.

"I know…I know." Jack stuffed hands in his pockets and shrugged. "I know they have blue Jell-o there. Made sure of it," he winked, lightening the mood.

A small chuckle escaped Sam as she closed the distance between them. "Nice to know someone in high places," she smiled.

Jack held her close, inhaling the fresh scent of her hair. "Yes," he replied quietly. "But don't forget, you're a big wig now yourself."

Sam pulled away, though her hands still rested on his arms. "Yeah," she said slowly, as if she'd never really considered it that way before.

"Kinda scary?" Jack asked knowingly, hands on her hips. Being in charge really changed one's perspective, he knew. Being The Man, or in this case, The Woman, it was a bit intimidating. But the Sam he knew never backed down from a challenge.

And Jack knew she'd been hanging around him far too long when she replied, in all seriousness, "Ya think?"

* * *

Jack closed the door behind them after they'd stowed the last of Sam's luggage away in her car. Sam jangled her keys nervously in her hands.

This was it. Her blues were on. Her hair was done. Her things were packed. Now all she had to do was say goodbye to her husband- her best friend, lover, and confidant. To Jack.

Sam bit her lip and glanced at Jack. His gaze was fixated on her.

"Okay," he began. "Guess I don't need to tell you to be careful and watch your back and all," he said, waving his hand to indicate 'all'.

"No," Sam agreed. She already knew.

"Yeah, didn't think so," Jack nodded. They were both trying to avoid the inevitable, but they couldn't delay it for much longer. He reached a hand to her shoulder and lightly fingered the eagles resting there.

"I have told you how proud I am, right?" Jack was asking a serious question. He wasn't always good with the whole communication thing. If he hadn't made a point of telling her, well, she needed to know.

"I know you are," Sam told him, bobbing her head in acknowledgement.

"No, have I _told_ you? 'Cause I am. When I think back ten years and…" Jack fumbled for words. The woman before him had come so far from the young captain he'd met so many years ago. To be able to watch her grow under his command, to support and guide her…to see her ascend through the ranks and have all of her hard work pay off…nothing could make him prouder. While his chest swelled with pride, it also constricted with pain. God, he was going to miss her.

And Jack, not being that great with words, wrapped his arms around his wife, pulled her to him, and crushed his lips against hers. Sam's arms pressed against his chest in surprise, but soon wrapped around him, responding.

The kiss conveyed everything they couldn't express in words at that moment. The love, passion, and pride. The need, sorrow, and apprehension.

Sam backed away slightly, catching her breath and reining in her emotions before she captured Jack's lips again. But the fervent kiss was cut short as tears fell down the blonde's cheeks.

"This is right," Sam choked out. "I made the right choice, I did. But we try to compromise, saying I'll only stay a while, we'll visit… We try to get the best of both worlds, but it doesn't work like that. Atlantis will get my best, and you…" Sam looked at the ground, swiping tears away in frustration. "I'm so sorry that you-"

"No, Sam. No. This," he said, gesturing between them, "might not be everything we want it to be at the moment," he admitted softy, "But I don't regret it. I never could. The thing I don't _ever_ want to regret is you going to Atlantis. I just need…I need you to…"

"I know, I will," Sam nodded vigorously, knowing exactly what Jack was getting at. "I'll come home. I swear."

"Alright," Jack replied, running his thumbs over her damp cheeks. "That's a promise I'll hold you to."

"Okay," she whispered, her glistening eyes holding Jack's.

"I love you."

Jack spoke each word slowly and deliberately, his gaze never leaving hers. He did tell her those three words, but not nearly enough. He certainly wasn't going to let her go all the way to another galaxy without her hearing it. He leaned in, kissing her soundly. Then he buried his face in Sam's neck.

She grasped him tightly. "I love you, too," she murmured. She closed her eyes, imprinting everything about the moment into her memory. His feel, his touch, his smell. Her ring was tucked away safely and her pictures packed, but it would be these memories that would get her through her loneliest hours. Sam finally pulled away, reluctantly.

Jack sighed, running his hand through his silver hair. "T and Daniel gonna bring your car back around?" he wondered. He wasn't going with her to the mountain. Their goodbyes would be here and now- a private time that was difficult enough without others around.

"Yeah, tonight I think." Sam rubbed her hands over her face then straightened her jacket. She was ready to go. At least as ready as she would ever be.

"Okay…well…"

"Yeah…"

The two stared at each other for a long moment before Jack kissed her on the cheek and whispered in her ear, "You've gotta get going, Carter. Atlantis is waiting."

Sam nodded. He was right. She took a deep breath, trying desperately to switch gears into professional mode. That would be the only way she could make herself leave.

Jack's confidence in her and the thrill of the adventure in her future…those were the things that helped carry Sam out the door that day. But she didn't turn around or even look back as she walked towards her car. She couldn't.

Sam _did_ have a wonderful career, a lot of friends, and a loving husband. There were so many good things, things that countered the pain in her heart. Though their current situation wasn't perfect by any means, for now, it would have to do.

For now, it was right.


End file.
